Saturday, July 14, 2012


Entran y salen las penas.

Friday the 13th I finally got set free from the hospital after 2 months of treatment. Now I’m grateful and i thank my parents for all the support. I lost inspiration to draw but I think I just need a break and relax and slowly start working on my art again and do a couple of shows downtown.  I’m keeping my mind positive and I’m looking towards the future.

“I like punk rock. I like girls with weird eyes. I like drugs. I like passion. I like things that are built well. I like innocence. I like and am grateful for the blue collar worker whose existence allows artists to not have to work at menial jobs. I like killing gluttony. I like playing my cards wrong. I like various styles of music. I like making fun of musicians whom I feel plagiarize or offend music as art by exploiting their embarrassingly pathetic versions of their work. I like to write poetry. I like to ignore others’ poetry. I like vinyl. I like nature and animals. I like to swim. I like to be with my friends. I like to be by myself. I like to feel guilty for being a white, American male.”
- Kurt Cobain, excerpt from his Journalshttp://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=decadelifest-20&l=as2&o=1&a=157322359X.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

VISD 2B39

Hugo Ball reciting ‘Verse ohne Worte’ (Song without Words), Cabaret Voltaire, Zurich, 1916. Photographic enlargement of a postcar, 28x15 in (71.5 x 40 cm) Kunsthaus, Zurich.  Page 133

Standing in the center of the image, wearing a rather abstract and singular costume, Hugo Ball succeeds at portraying the Dada’s philosophy. His awkward pose and innocent look compliment together in an unconventional photograph that not only describes the famous performances organized by the Dada group but also their ideology. Dada is known as an art movement that originated in Zurich during the First World War, created by young artists as an activist response to the cruelty and injustice of their time. Until this day, it is clear that Dadaism is one of the most confusing art movements out there because it contradicts itself and demands to be recognized as a form of anti-art. Unlike many other movements, Dadaism included various sorts of mixed media, literary and musical experiments and theatre performances. It was open for everyone to play around and experience since they saw no boundaries when it came to expressing their ideas and opinions.  Cabaret Voltaire was the ground spot for these performances and art exhibitions. It was originally created by Hugo Ball, a young intellectual eager to combine his friend’s art work with the work of fresh artists and performers. As a matter of fact he did not only support artists, he was also an artist and an innovator himself. He created the sound-poems that were performed at Cabaret Voltaire. These poems were part of a literary experiment that created a whole new language made up of chance and play. His performances consisted of random set-ups, as seen in the picture, that created a special atmosphere for the audience. The photo resembles a cubic abstraction and depicts a high priest. Ball's costume of superiority is contrasted by his expression allowing this picture to depict a perfect image of what Dada stands for. Dada artists were superior to the rest because they saw no limits, but they were still young. Their youth and their freedom made them unique, their free spirit opened the door to new ideas, stepping away from traditional tough. Their artwork represented their freedom, expressed their youth and their rebellion against their social injustice.

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This article gives you a brief understanding of Dadaism. It starts off by giving the reader a basic background story that narrates the main events that make up this movement. The rest of the content emphasizes more in the political involvement of the Dadaists and gives good documentation of their interviews and writings. What attracted me the most about this source is that it states that the movement is quite problematic because it is hard to label it as one. In my essay I want to talk about Dadaism being anti-aesthetic and scandalous. I want to reinforce the notion of oddness that Hugo Ball’s picture represents. I also want to take in consideration the sound-poem performance that is taking place in the photo. By mentioning his act, I will be talking about the Dadaist’s forms of expression because I think its something that really matters. I will also express what makes their work anti-art and why they didn’t want to be labelled as a movement or a school.

 Stefan- Sebastian Maftei

Journal for the Study of Religions and Ideologies, Vol 9, No 27 (2010)

Department of philosophy, Babes-Bolyai University, Cluj-Napoca, Romania.

Between “Critique” and Propaganda: The Critical Self-understanding of Art in the Historical Avant-Garde. The Case of Dada
 
I will be using this small encyclopaedia entry to back up my basic information. It gives a brief summary of the history of the movement and its members. It will be useful for my first paragraph to successfully introduce Dada to the reader. In order to be able to emphasize in Hugo Ball’s picture I need to be able to explain how it all started. I don’t want to go into details, that is why I think this article is practical, because it is straight forward and clear.

Credo Reference Dada

"Dada". Bloomsbury Guide to Art

http://www.credoreference.com.ezproxy-library.ocad.ca/entry/bga/dada

These 90 paged book is complete with information about the Dada Movement. It is easy to read and understand, clean and organized. It starts by giving a background story but it not only talks about the young intellectuals in Zurich, it also includes Germany, Paris, New York and more. It also gives accurate articles of the most relevant artists of the movement with descriptions of their work. This book explains a good deal about the movement. What I decided to use for my essay is founded in the introductory pages. It talks about Hugo Ball and his position in the art movement. It gives a fairly good description of his performance and his art work. I will use part of these descriptions as well as documentary of his interviews.

Dietmar, Elger. Dadaism. Cologne: Taschen, 2006

For my Wikipedia source I decided to search for information about Cabaret Voltaire because I did not think the information that came up when I searched Dada was relevant. In my essay I wan to focus mostly in Hugo Ball and his performance in order to describe Dadaism and connect the information with an accurate description of the movement and the work they showcased. In my opinion these subjects are very connected, therefore I tough that talking about this meeting spot was important. Describing the activities that happened at Cabaret Voltaire helps the reader understand of the kind of events the Dada group organized.


Horoscope, values and your mom.



“You have entered the liberation phase on your cycle” is the ending sentence of this month’s Virgo horoscope which states that power concedes nothing without a demand. I totally agree with both points. I’m not a professional when it comes to talking about life, but at this point of my life I’m glad I gained the strength to understand who I am and where I want to go with my career and other special goals. March and April have challenged me in different ways, I not only had to solve personal problems regarding my mental health, also issues at home and conflicts with friends. This week I almost had to sue one of my “friends” for using my portfolio picture for an insulting meme that was mainly created to mock my work and disrespect me as a person. I used my poor communication skills and grammar to express my opinion and I was not only insulted I was also disrespected. I controlled the situation and I understood that I had the right to tell my professional photographer about it, because in the end is not only my work is also his. This whole issue got solved eventually but I still lost a “friend” and I will probably yell at him if I see him or at least say some things, because I did a lot of thinking about this whole situation. I realized I can’t let anyone make fun of what I do and what I stand for. I know this whole problem involved ignorant kids with nothing else to do, who wanted to troll me for being foreign and having different opinions. I don’t really want to talk about this problems anymore, but I wasted a lot of time trying to solve it and not let it get me, even though I spent a whole day just crying because I though nobody has the right to play with my work like this. This note I’m writing right now, is to express my rage and also to try to explain the whole idea behind my nudes and why I post them on tumblr. First of all, I’m not professional I started modeling five years ago and I started doing artistic nudes only 3 years ago (I think). I started modelling as a hobby, something else to do and to make money on the side. I decided to show my body because I was already used to the idea of using nudes for art, since I had to take life drawing lessons since I was young, it wasn’t a bad idea for me and it wasn’t weird neither new. Second of all, it wasn’t easy. Modelling in general is hard especially if you come from a country where beauty is really looked upon. When I was little I wasn’t considered pretty and kids in my school made fun of my skinny legs. When I got to Canada I gained the confidence to be in front of the camera and I started experimenting with poses and themes. I worked with different photographers because they all had different styles and ideas. It worked out perfectly until I decided I wanted to try knowing more about my body by making artistic nudes. It was hard because I wasn’t confident enough to make good poses, until I got a hand of it. I swear I’m not Miss Mosh but I’m greatly influenced by her and her work. Unfortunately, some photographers got too comfortable and started asking for erotic content. I had a lot of fights because I stand against those kinds of nudes. I love porn and erotic photography, but is not for me in the sense that I don’t want to deal with that industry and I don’t want to do anything related to that subject matter. I choose to make art, and even though I was always influenced by suicide girls I eventually changed my mind. I don’t think erotic models are degrading; it’s just not for me. I personally want to learn how to express my body and show my freedom, not my open wet vagina. This whole nudity thing gave me a lot of problem and I’m not proud of a lot of decisions i had made in the way. The reason why I took the whole “meme” game so personally is because the people talking negative about me and what I stand for have never experienced anything regarding this subject. Yes, they have the right to articulate an opinion but they shouldn’t insult me without knowing me, my intentions and my experience. This all made me understand that I grew up a lot as a person. I can’t take shit from some people on internet who want to disrespect me. Everything in my life is going down the hill, but I won’t let it affect me because its life and I need to learn how to deal with it myself. I’m strong and I learned how to control my mind in order to not go insane. I still have a lot to learn and I will do everything I can to change for the better. I will keep my freedom of expression and my creativity and try to make my life easier and more colourful. F u c k b i t c h e s.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

LongGone.


I use writing as a method of relaxation and also to reflect on things that happened or need to happen. This week I came upon the realization that my group of real friends has come down to only a couple people. This doesn’t upset me but it made me question myself. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, if it’s my black humour, my weird taste in art or music, the way I talk to people or just the way I express my ideas. I overanalyzed my actions to the point I started thinking that it might be a “cultural shock”, the same conclusion Dr. Tucker gave me on our last therapy session when she had to name the mental illness I suffered during summer. Her conclusion was that I lost sense of security and identity, that coming to Canada was too much for me and that just now (after 5 years), my brain decided to shut off and isolate itself in an unknown place. I would re-consider her “conclusion” as a lazy statement of her ignorance, but I would highlight that there was a small amount of truth in her final decision to label me as an insecure teenager that suffered from a psychotic episode after a university party. The small truth is that I was lost, insecure and rejected. I can barely remember what got me into this whole mental breakdown, but as scary as it sounds, I do remember that I wasn’t able to make a complete rational sentence in Spanish. I remember telling my dad that it was hard for me to express myself and I was loosing my language. I remember how scared he was when he herd that, and how much him and my mom tried to help. I really dislike coming back to this, because I would rather leave all these memories in the past. As I said before I find myself overanalysing some situations to the point there is no end. I want to forget about my problems but I cant, everything relates to everything and I have to be more careful than ever not to drown in my own sorrows. My last meeting with my occupational therapist was great, I showed her my new art work and I told her things I needed to tell her, but she advised me to be careful, because in a month it will be my one year anniversary since the illness I had in summer, and subconsciously I can start facing the same symptoms I felt before. Not only she scared the shit out of me, she also warmed me to be careful and that if I need her help she is there for me. The point is, people keep getting pissed at me and I can’t really deal with their attitudes, I don’t care or I might care too much to consider dealing with them (as paradoxically as it may sound). People are more complex that they seem, and once they show they don’t want to hear what you need to say then why waist your time? As I said before, it might be a cultural separation that doesn’t allow me to express myself better, my manners or my words. I actually have no fucking idea and I would love to talk to everyone personally (except my ex because I’m done with him forever), and try to help myself to become a better person.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

the end of the line


Hey everyone. So im posting a picture of the latest print/ink on wood piece I made for my Mixed media class... My reading week just started but yesterday i coulnt stop drawing random things. So I went with Alina to the school (ocad) woodshop and we found some free wood, I got a nice circle shaped one, it had 2 small holes on the top but I fixed it by putting a ribbon on it. I got some photocopies of my original work and traced it to the wood with a blender brush but then I tried nail polish removal and it also worked. The print wasnt that great, Im not sure why but in the end I liked the grungy look it had. I decided to use some ink with a really thin brush (one of my favourites) and I started making lines and some flowers... Im happy but I wish I could use colors for the project. I will try to paint/draw some more today since Its my break and I have time for personal stuff. Im supposed to be working for an animator to create a music video but he hasnt called me in a while, he told me hes sorting things out with art directors, etc... Anyways I will post new stuff soon.



Thursday, February 2, 2012

Tonigh. Invisible.


-De que intimidad queres hablar, entendes lo que me queres decir?-

-La que dejaste atras en ese amanaque rosa? me queres decir de que se trata el misterio entre tus ojos, que te hace sudar en las manos?-

-Prefiero mentirle a la luna, mil y unas veces, cada noche, cada estrella, cada grito infantil, me enferma, con fiebre y mi corazon palpita la emocion de volver a ver despues de haber perdido la vista-

- Te das cuenta que ests confiando, en mis manos, las almas de esos elefantes rosados? No tenemos todo el dia para discutir, esto da vueltas, volvemos al pasado sin darnos cuenta, nos atraemos , pero mentimos a la maniana entre el cafe y los huevos fritos. Yo te pido que me digas la verdad, confia en mi…-

-No traigas tus suenos. Mis pies estan frescos, las suelas de tus zapatos estan sucias, con leche y tierra. Esa mugre entre tus unias me recuenda a el campo de la Pampa, viajamos caminando por deciertos de trigo. No entiendo para que volvemos al pasado, cuando vivimos un cuento de hadas. -

-No traigo mis suenos. Traigo mil herramientas de mercurio y otras formas abstractas de pensar y resolver un problema sistematico. No encuentro mentira mas clara que la que tienes en la frente de tu cara. No qiero perder el tren de las 3.30 de la tarde, las naranjas y el jugo de tomate estan podridos. Fiajate en la heladera te deje algo…-

-No quiero tus bombones de chocolate blanco, prefiero sentarme tomar un te, y alguna galleta. No qiero recordar tu carino. Te acordas esa noche, en la cama a la madrugada, me confensaste sobre ella. La que se pinta los ojos, delineando cada ilusion como una fantasia matematica. Presicion, composicion y perfeccion. Mis celos, mis venas bien difuntas, y tu selmon…-

-yo se que no es ficcion, es realidad. Mariposas encantadas en tu presencia, le cantas a cada petalo en caso de que necesiten un poco de carino. Te queria abrazar esa noche en Av. Lugano. Te compre flores rosas, fotos automaticas y un mantecol.

-Queres volver a tener 10 anios? Multiplicar por 4, resarle a la virgen escuchar un casette de Gilda, viajar hasta San Justo, juntarnos en un parque y besarnos a escondidas. Tu diversidad y tu verano, yo quiero tu cuerpo en el mio, admitilo me queres mas de lo que pensas.-

-Si, creo que llegamos al final de un largo camino. No hay lagos, no hay vida, ni sentido detras de toda esta tonteria. La moneria de tus esperansas, las mentiras que se cruzan en reflexiones atmosfericas, y traiciones moleculares-

-Otra vez dandole vida a un recuerdo de algo que nunca paso. Un verso ruso, de un poeta adicto a esa bebida marron. No derrames la copa por algo que no senti entre mis unias. Mojame los labios… lentamente.



Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

Lust


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Saturday, January 21, 2012


This is a drawing of Molly Soda an internet celebrity that I met thanks to her popularity on tumblr (http://mollysoda.tumblr.com/). I made an animated version of this drawing and It got re blogged A LOT. Its kinda sad that only the pictures I dedicate to her get to be 'popular' and everything else I do is just disregarded. Anyways, these are all small problems in my head.

Talking about my head, I dyed my hair red on one side, and it looks kinda decent. I like it, but its fading really slowly. Im also stretching my ears bigger, cuz I want them to be SUPER cool.


2011

Recien me doy cuenta que no escribi nada sobre el anio nuevo. Ya pasaron muchos anios desde que empece a escribir en este blog, y la verdad que no lo uso mucho, pero cada vez que escribo o posteo algo nuevo me alivia el alma. Queria hablar un poco de lo que me paso el anio pasado, o mis planes este anio, ya que estoy tan al pedo y sin ganas de pintar. Conoci a un chico con el que ya comparti la mayoria de mi 2011, y que se convirtio en uno de mis amigos mas especiales, nose si es su forma de ser o como me hace sentir. Nos peliamos mucho pero igual lo quiero, porque me hace rabiar y reir al mismo tiempo. Ahora las cosas andan complicadas pero puedo decir que no me arrepiento de pasar horas con el. Mi familia me ayudo demaciado con mis problemas de depresion y realmente agradesco todo lo que hicieron, me da pena que tubieron que pasar por un momento tan raro y feo. El colegio me demostro que soy capaz de hacer cosas que capaz antes no creia poder hacer. OCAD realmente me gusta, estoy muy agradecida con los profesores, estudiantes y projectos.

espiral

Creo que no postie esta imagen en el blog. El dibujo lo hice con lapicera bic y acrilicos, el fondo lo pinte con un saquito de te de frutilla me parece, no me acuerdo muy bien. Tengo muchos dibujos que postear, porque con los projectos que me hacen hacer en ocad, tengo de sobra (?). Estoy en una etapa de mi vida donde ya ni se lo que hago, sigo cualquier corriente con tal que me lleve a algun lado. Yo se lo que quiero en mi vida, empezar una carrera digna con mis dibujos, conocer gente que me inspire, ser el orgullo de mi familia. Es dificir desifrar como voy a hacer para poder llegar a cumplir mis deseos. Tube un ataque psycotico durante el verano, y mi papa se las busca para recordarmelo y deprimirme con sus gritos y reproches. Esta noche me encuentro un poco triste ya que no estoy muy bien con mi familia y amigos, es mas, podria decir que estoy muy perdida. Lo unico que tengo para hacer este fin de semana es pintar y escribir, tratar de aliviar todas estas penas que me estan volviendo un poco loca.

morphine


I hate that my dad keeps telling me that im not ok, that im still mentally sick and i dont know how to take care of myself. To be reminded of what happened in the past pisses me off, to be told i have mental issues is worst. Staying in my room crying is going to make me fall in a depression again, so I dont really get his point. Im old enough and Im still going thru issues of a 14 year old (maybe even younger), i wish I had my office job back and I would move out and loose any kind of communication with these people that bring me down. fuck this saturday night.