Horoscope, values and your mom.

“You have entered the liberation phase on your cycle” is the ending sentence of this month’s Virgo horoscope which states that power concedes nothing without a demand. I totally agree with both points. I’m not a professional when it comes to talking about life, but at this point of my life I’m glad I gained the strength to understand who I am and where I want to go with my career and other special goals. March and April have challenged me in different ways, I not only had to solve personal problems regarding my mental health, also issues at home and conflicts with friends. This week I almost had to sue one of my “friends” for using my portfolio picture for an insulting meme that was mainly created to mock my work and disrespect me as a person. I used my poor communication skills and grammar to express my opinion and I was not only insulted I was also disrespected. I controlled the situation and I understood that I had the right to tell my professional photographer about it, because in the end is not only my work is also his. This whole issue got solved eventually but I still lost a “friend” and I will probably yell at him if I see him or at least say some things, because I did a lot of thinking about this whole situation. I realized I can’t let anyone make fun of what I do and what I stand for. I know this whole problem involved ignorant kids with nothing else to do, who wanted to troll me for being foreign and having different opinions. I don’t really want to talk about this problems anymore, but I wasted a lot of time trying to solve it and not let it get me, even though I spent a whole day just crying because I though nobody has the right to play with my work like this. This note I’m writing right now, is to express my rage and also to try to explain the whole idea behind my nudes and why I post them on tumblr. First of all, I’m not professional I started modeling five years ago and I started doing artistic nudes only 3 years ago (I think). I started modelling as a hobby, something else to do and to make money on the side. I decided to show my body because I was already used to the idea of using nudes for art, since I had to take life drawing lessons since I was young, it wasn’t a bad idea for me and it wasn’t weird neither new. Second of all, it wasn’t easy. Modelling in general is hard especially if you come from a country where beauty is really looked upon. When I was little I wasn’t considered pretty and kids in my school made fun of my skinny legs. When I got to Canada I gained the confidence to be in front of the camera and I started experimenting with poses and themes. I worked with different photographers because they all had different styles and ideas. It worked out perfectly until I decided I wanted to try knowing more about my body by making artistic nudes. It was hard because I wasn’t confident enough to make good poses, until I got a hand of it. I swear I’m not Miss Mosh but I’m greatly influenced by her and her work. Unfortunately, some photographers got too comfortable and started asking for erotic content. I had a lot of fights because I stand against those kinds of nudes. I love porn and erotic photography, but is not for me in the sense that I don’t want to deal with that industry and I don’t want to do anything related to that subject matter. I choose to make art, and even though I was always influenced by suicide girls I eventually changed my mind. I don’t think erotic models are degrading; it’s just not for me. I personally want to learn how to express my body and show my freedom, not my open wet vagina. This whole nudity thing gave me a lot of problem and I’m not proud of a lot of decisions i had made in the way. The reason why I took the whole “meme” game so personally is because the people talking negative about me and what I stand for have never experienced anything regarding this subject. Yes, they have the right to articulate an opinion but they shouldn’t insult me without knowing me, my intentions and my experience. This all made me understand that I grew up a lot as a person. I can’t take shit from some people on internet who want to disrespect me. Everything in my life is going down the hill, but I won’t let it affect me because its life and I need to learn how to deal with it myself. I’m strong and I learned how to control my mind in order to not go insane. I still have a lot to learn and I will do everything I can to change for the better. I will keep my freedom of expression and my creativity and try to make my life easier and more colourful. F u c k b i t c h e s.